So this week on Mary's Moment I talked about libido and what to do if yours has gone missing or is just not showing up for you when you need it. There are millions of people silently suffering with or because of low libido, if you are one of them know that you are not alone.

There is so much emotional baggage that comes with it too, blame, embarrassment, insecurity, frustration and of course the wounded ego. But it is a killer in relationships, when you think about it our physical or intimate relationship with our partner is what differentiates us as a couple, otherwise we become friends or worse merely cohabitants, it changes the the dynamic of the relationship.

There is a lot of excellent information about what causes low libido like how it can be impacted by lack of exercise, a poor diet, hormonal imbalances, or simply exhaustion maybe you are just too tired at the end of the day after you have looked after everybody else and the last thing you want to do is have to “put out” even if you generally love it.

Low libido can also be influenced by your beliefs. These are the thoughts that have been impressed upon us by our parents and society and our churches. I grew up in a staunch Roman Catholic environment and we never openly talked about having sex, and never really talked about whether it was something that should be enjoyed, the church certainly implied it was just for the purpose of procreation and so guilt was born. So I am not surprised when I hear people say that they feel like they have been programmed to think that having sex for pure enjoyment is bad.... One of my favourite books is Donald Weiss’ conversations with God. The book is based on a dialogue that he claims to have had with God and there is a chapter where he is asking God a whole bunch of questions about Sex and whether it is bad or whether we should feel guilty for enjoying it and GOD says that he gifted us with the ability to do something that we could absolutely enjoy and at the same time create our offspring if we choose to. I loved it...it was basically saying do it enjoy it at is an incredible expression of two people joining as one.

The other belief that some of us have is that we just aren’t attractive enough. When we look in the mirror or when we look at pictures of ourselves we don’t think that we are pretty let alone sexy. And what I tell my clients is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we could see how beautiful we really are. When we look in mirror or in a picture we are seeing ourselves from a one dimensional perspective and often it doesn’t capture our true essence. When we experience anything , we do it with our 5 senses not just our sight. So if you are struggling with your appearance, think about how you might smell to someone esle, or perhaps how soft your skin might feel or whether your smile lights up a room or whether your eyes can see deep into their soul, whether your laugh is exhilarating or how your voice may sound to someone....are you getting my point. Think about what you can’t see in a picture but what differentiates you as the unique and incredible person that you are, because that is probably how others see you.

Finally if you want to feel sexy you need to be conscious of what you are telling yourself about yourself. Make sure that when you are looking in the mirror you are focusing on all your assets, we all have them and yes all of us have features we don’t love too but the problem is most of us are focusing on what we don’t love about ourselves rather than what we do. The more you focus on what you love about yourself, the better your self esteem will be and the more confidence you will have. One of the most attractive features that men or women have is self-confidence. Take the extra time in the morning to look good, whatever that looks like for you. Oh yes and one last thing ladies throw out the granny panties, there are beautiful and sexy undergarments for women of all sizes. Treat yourself you will feel great.
So your takeaway for the week is......Choose to think that having sex is like going to the spa, appealing to all of your senses a treat and when you walk away you feel relaxed and rejuvenated and oh yeah get rested up so you can enjoy it.

MaryC

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MaryC