When I lost my Mother to a massive heart attack, I felt such grief and pain for not making it to the hospital before she died. I felt that I should have been there to hold her hand and help her pass over. I had made a decision to drive my husband and 6 month old son home before going to the hospital. If I had gone directly there, I would have made it before she died.
For four years I beat myself up mentally for making the wrong decision.
Then one day my sister told me that she was glad I was not there.
That her and my mother had struggled over the years and she was glad that I had not made it, for it gave her time to hold mom's had and tell her how she felt - where if I had of been there I would have moved right in and possibly not given her the chance to do that. Mom didn't need to hear that I loved her - she needed to hear before she passed that my sister did...
now i see the gift in not making it and the pain and guilt are gone... all that is left is love.